


Life Without You

by inheritanceofgeek



Series: Parenthood does wonders for you, Darling [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Post Vecna, Pregnancy, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 00:37:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11886231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inheritanceofgeek/pseuds/inheritanceofgeek
Summary: Vex'ahlia takes a visit to the Temple of the Raven Queen in order to tell her twin about the good news, and all her fears in regards to it. If only he were actually there to listen...





	Life Without You

The temple of the Raven Queen had once been small and unserviced, but as the years had gone on more and more people were coming to worship there. Vex had gone to great lengths to get it built to an appropriate grandeur, taking inspiration from Purvan Suul’s tomb and the mother temple in Vasselheim. It was all shining black and white marble with intricate decorations on the pillars. There were streaks of gold running throughout the stone work and the walls were covered in paintings depicting not just the Raven Queen’s story, but the story of all her champions. 

The two clerics there knew to just let her and Trinket through when they arrived. This whole place was on her land, anyway! She could have built a nice garden or a private brewery, but instead she’d expanded the temple so as it could serve a greater purpose to the community. And to stand as a tribute to her fallen brother… 

It wasn’t exactly the sort of legacy she’d want to remember him by. But she didn’t know how to show all that he was… he wouldn’t want a statue to be made in his honour, or some sort of knighthood bestowed in his name, or any of that pompous nonsense he’d tried to escape all his life. He’d want something that would help people, and stand as a reminder to the sacrifices he made for those he loved, the lessons he’d learned by becoming a champion of death, and what it meant to value life. 

She grabbed grabbed a torch and made her way through to the oldest part of the temple. It was small, with just a fountain of the mystical blood that served for commune. She remembered watching her brother strip into it to talk to his queen, and the mingled horror and humour she’d felt in the moment. But that had been years ago now, and a lot had changed since then. 

For one, she'd actually learnt where all this blood came from. Every person who’s ever decided to devote themselves to the Raven Queen had done so with their blood, just a few drops from a pricked finger, nothing too strenuous. With the help of some preservative magic it had stayed fresh and warm, and over the years it had collected into the grand pool seen in Vasselheim. Every temple took it's blood from there, so as they could all be connected to it, and in turn to everyone who had come before them and would come after them.

Okay, so it was still creepy as hell, but it there was still something beautiful to it; that their connection to the Raven Queen was born out of her connection to her followers. Vax had described the feeling as one of warmth and contentment, like the comfort of a mother more than the power of a fighter. It meant that so long as the temples remained, a part of her brother would remain too, and continue to guide others who came long after even Keyleth had gone. 

With the aid of Trinket, Vex was able to shift herself down into the floor where she could touch the smooth surface of the fountain’s pool. The trail of her fingers sent ripples through the blood and she watched them slowly dissipate until all was still once more. 

“Hello Brother,” she smiled, trying to keep her tone as casual and upbeat as though he were really there with her. “I erm, I know that you might not actually be able to hear me but, well I come here a lot anyway and talking to you seems to help anyway so, I just thought you ought to know that you're going to be an uncle soon.” 

Trinket have a soft little growl at that and nudged his head against her arm in what was his equivalent of a pout. “I'm sorry Trinket you're right,” She chuckled “he’s going to be an uncle for a second time.” The bear have a huff of agreement and moved a little closer to her, so as she could rest her back against him. He didn't mind the extra weight, it seemed, as happy to help her out as he’d always been. 

“Anyway, the Cleric has told me that it's going to be twins, which is really exciting and to be expected given that this is meant to run in families but, well, I can't help but think of you.” She took a deep breath and tried to find the words for what she was feeling, for what she needed him to know. The silence in the temple was almost deafening.

“I don't know how I’m going to do this, Vax.” She said at last “We’ve always done everything together. All the big things at least, and yes I know you're still probably annoyed about the whole wedding thing but that was just a confirmation of what was already happening, but I’m talking about the steps we make. Like, when we ran away from home, or when we got our first mercenary job, when we took on the dragons and the vampires and all the demons of the nine hells, you were there beside me. When I was still broken up over Percy and how I felt, you were the one to push me in the right direction. You were always the one who seemed to know what to do, and now, well. I mean, I think I’ve been doing a pretty decent job of it so far, nobody else has died since you, not even Percy, but that doesn't change the fact that… I don't know if I can do this,” she indicated at her belly, where even now she could feel tiny feet kicking out at her. There was always someone moving about, Percy said they were clearly going to take after her if they couldn't sit still for more than ten minutes. 

“I always thought, if I lived this long, if I was lucky enough to get to this point and find someone who loves me and wouldn't leave me, that I’d have you to hold my hand through it all. But I don't. You're not going to be in the room with me when I give birth, and I don't know if I going to have the strength otherwise. 

“Grog has offered me temporary use of the titan-stone knuckles when the time comes, but I don't really think they'll be all that much help. They're no replacement for you. And I don't know what to do about it, because I’m worried about what's going to happen to these two when they're born. I’m worried about whether they'll be as close as we were. I’m worried about whether they'll feel like I’m trying to force the relationship we had onto them. I’m worried that, that I won't be good enough for them and, what if I’m like our father? What if I end up pushing them away somehow? And, and what happens if I die Vax? If Percy does too? Who’s going to look after them, who's going to be there to listen to them? It was you, it was always going to be you! We’d raise our children together so they'd be more like siblings than cousins and, and that can't happen now.” 

She'd not cried for her brother in so long, but she did now. Great floods that ran away from her and down her face. They splashed into the pool of blood be and disappeared beneath the surface. Trinket gave out a low, mournful noise and she turned her face to bury into his fur. Her belly limited her movement somewhat but Trinket was as gentle and patient as he'd always been. He was like a son to her in many ways, so to some extent she knew that she probably wouldn't do a terrible job of being a mother, but at the same time actual children were very different to bears. Probably. Gods, she was going to make a right mess of this…. 

As her tears subsided to breathless sobs, she thought she could hear a voice in the back of her head. Familiar, but distant. 

_Stop being such a dummy, stubby. That's my job._

She lifted her head up and scanned around, looking for the source of the noise. She'd never heard a response before, in all the times she'd came not once had she heard so much as a foot step. That voice though, she knew it of course she knew it; 

“Vax!” She cried out in desperation “Vax please, are you there? Talk to me!” 

There was nothing. The room as silent as the grave. 

“Fuck.” She growled and hung her head forward, addressing to her stomach with a gentle hand. “Your mother really is a bit useless, sorry kids.” She sighed and leant back against Trinket, trying to get her brain back into gear. She could do this. Loads of people had kids! Heck, their mother had raised them all on her own, after all, and still done a fantastic job of it! And she had Percy, and Cassandra, and Pike and… 

She frowned suddenly, as out of the corner of her eye she spotted something she was certain had not been there before. It was floating in the pool, ghosting towards her on some unseen wind. 

It was four raven feathers. Two long and two short, more like downing than those used for flight. She cautiously picked them up and turned them over in her hand. The blood stained her palms, but she could still feel the softness of them on her skin. They were just like those of her brother’s wings. She still had his armour, but she'd ignored his wishes and refused to wear it, gifting it to the Clerics instead. She wished she’d not given it away now… 

“Typical.” She mumbled, “I’d never be able to get a straight answer out of you now would I?” 

_Nothing I ever do is straight_. 

She didn't know if that response was real, or if it was a memory, but still it made her laugh. So hard that it hurt, but it was good to feel that way again. She slipped two of the raven feathers into her hair beside her blue ones, and gently brushed the tips of the smaller ones over her belly. 

She knew what they were meant for, and she’d find a way to keep them safe until they were needed. She could put them into a necklace perhaps? Or a bracelet? Percy would know, and if not then they could work it out together. Just as Vax had always said they would.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoyed this? Let me know via Kudos/Comments or on Tumblr where I'm mrsmarymorstan =)


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